Abusive Relationship Repetition

Relationship Abuse RecoveryWhy do so many of us who have survived abusive relationships end up in the same abusive/dysfunctional dynamic over and over again with different partners? I think the majority of us can safely say, it hasn’t just been one relationship in our lives that has been abusive, but several. It’s as if we’re a target for the most dysfunctional, narcissistic partners out there. We do not derive any joy or happiness from this, so WHY does it happen more than once to us?

More often than not, like me, you’ve grown up in a home where you weren’t valued, were belittled, abused and demeaned. People who have not been given a voice in childhood are in need of healing. Subconsciously we seek healing by getting PEOPLE to hear, experience and approve of us, for only then do we have value, place and a sense of importance. Usually we end up picking people just like our parents. And who typically, is more than willing to play the role of power broker in a relationship, doling out approval only insofar as it suits him/her? A narcissist, ‘voice hog’ or otherwise oblivious and neglectful person (Richard A. Grossman, Ph.D) Ironically, the negative relationship repetition is hardly masochistic. Instead, it represents an ongoing attempt to heal the self, albeit one with disastrous results.

But Hallelujah, there is hope. If we instead seek to be accepted, heard and subsequently healed by our Almighty Creator; Men/Women, parents or any earthly soul loses that ability to control or disapprove of us. We are humbly submitting to God and ALL we care about is pleasing Him. Then and ONLY then can we truly be open to being in a healthy, mutually loving relationship.