Abusive Relationship Repetition

Relationship Abuse RecoveryWhy do so many of us who have survived abusive relationships end up in the same abusive/dysfunctional dynamic over and over again with different partners? I think the majority of us can safely say, it hasn’t just been one relationship in our lives that has been abusive, but several. It’s as if we’re a target for the most dysfunctional, narcissistic partners out there. We do not derive any joy or happiness from this, so WHY does it happen more than once to us?

More often than not, like me, you’ve grown up in a home where you weren’t valued, were belittled, abused and demeaned. People who have not been given a voice in childhood are in need of healing. Subconsciously we seek healing by getting PEOPLE to hear, experience and approve of us, for only then do we have value, place and a sense of importance. Usually we end up picking people just like our parents. And who typically, is more than willing to play the role of power broker in a relationship, doling out approval only insofar as it suits him/her? A narcissist, ‘voice hog’ or otherwise oblivious and neglectful person (Richard A. Grossman, Ph.D) Ironically, the negative relationship repetition is hardly masochistic. Instead, it represents an ongoing attempt to heal the self, albeit one with disastrous results.

But Hallelujah, there is hope. If we instead seek to be accepted, heard and subsequently healed by our Almighty Creator; Men/Women, parents or any earthly soul loses that ability to control or disapprove of us. We are humbly submitting to God and ALL we care about is pleasing Him. Then and ONLY then can we truly be open to being in a healthy, mutually loving relationship.


My Story: Prequel

Abuse and violence started very early in my life.  Both my mother and father were very unhealthy and didn’t know how to parent. They were controlled by their emotions and human weakness. My mother was verbally abusive, emotionally demeaning and mentally cruel from the time I was a small child. From the age of 3 I remember being assaulted by my father.  I endured physical abuse, emotional and mental abuse, humiliation and degredation.   I left home by the age of 17.

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2 Years of FREEDOM

2 Years of Freedom Survivor of Domestic Violence

July 29th 2011, I escaped from the abuser.

As I reflect on what these last few days represent I am taken aback at the incredible journey God has brought me through.

When I was looking back at pictures from my blackberry from directly before and during that time of complete bondage and entrapment,I see a woman who was at the end of herself. [Read more…]


Crazy Love – Why We Stay…

Leslie Morgan Steiner was in “crazy love” — that is, madly in love with a man who routinely abused her and threatened her life. Steiner tells the dark story of her relationship, correcting misconceptions many people hold about victims of domestic violence, and explaining how we can all help break the silence. (Filmed at TEDxRainier.)



Domestic Violence Survivor

Christ Centered support for survivors of domestic violence. My first video blog about the hope and healing available through Jesus Christ our Lord. He LOVES you so much and wants to be the center of your life for a reason…through Him alone you will find your true purpose. This video was shot with outdated software that has an outrageous lag on the sound, but oh well, the message is there and I trust God’s words of love will come through to those that need to hear it. Love Does No Harm is a Christ Centered Domestic Violence Advocacy outreach located in North San Diego County California.


1st He Said He Loved Her…

Stop Domestic Violence


Ministry is birthed from brokenness…

ministry birthed from brokenness

I am so grateful for this quote.  It completely describes what God has done in my life and I’m sure the lives of countless others.

It wasn’t till the horrific experience of escaping a physically abusive relationship that God got my attention.  Did He allow it to punish me?  NO!!!! He allowed it to get my attention.  He used this tragedy of  what I experienced to open my eyes to the brokenness that needed healing. [Read more…]



Why women stay in abusive relationshipsFear: The number one reason for not leaving is fear. Our fears are not unfounded given the fact that battered women are most at risk during leaving or after having left an abusive relationship. It is very important that our expression of fear not be minimized.

If a decision to leave has been made, a safety plan must be put in place if you have reason to be afraid for your life. Don’t take any chances if your partner threatened to kill you. When you’re dead.. you’re dead… that’s it. [Read more…]


Speak up if you suspect domestic violence or abuse

Speak up against domestic violenceTalk to the person in private and let him or her know that you’re concerned. Point out the things you’ve noticed that make you worried. Tell the person that you’re there, whenever he or she feels ready to talk. Reassure the person that you’ll keep whatever is said between the two of you, and let him or her know that you’ll help in any way you can. [Read more…]


Women Who Abuse Men…

Abusive WomanI was privileged to experience my young adult daughter dating a true man of God a couple of years ago.  This young man (We’ll call him Brad) was a wonderful devout young man who did not sacrifice his faith with compromise. Brad created a suitor standard whom my daughter will hold all potential suitors to.  Although it didn’t work out for them, I knew Brad had a positive impact on my daughter and me.

Last year after a while had gone by that my daughter hadn’t spoken with this Godly young man, she  texted Brad to say hello and see how he was doing.  She was shocked to receive a vile text message back, calling her a whore among other obscenities, telling her to never contact him again as he didn’t want anything to do with her and her ‘skanky’ self (paraphrasing). She was aghast at the tone of the text, it did not sound like Brad at all.  Sometime later she received another text from Brad; this time an apology.  It turns out Brad had a new girlfriend who wrote the terrible text back and he apologized for her conduct. [Read more…]